The Mind of Man: The Weak, The Strong, The Open by Charles P Brown

I was texting a very close, but often very obstinate friend this morning. We were continuing a days-long conversation regarding human relationships. Upon completing my 3 or 4 very lengthy responses to his not-as-lengthy, but very early morning texts on the matter, this idea fell upon me regarding the human mind and its capacity to adapt.

The weak minded have little capacity- or maybe little desire, which results in little capacity- to reason for themselves. They take the notions of the collective and accept them as personal truths, irrefutable and immutable in nature, and adapt their individual paradigms (my definition of this being the sum of ones thoughts, motivations, and behaviors- conscious and subconscious) to fit within these collective notions.

The strong minded have a great capacity- maybe both intrinsic and learned- to reason for themselves. They have the intellectual acuity to take the collective notion and rationalize a great amount of truth in it for the collective and for them as an part of the collective. This ability to find and apply reason to the notion allows the strong minded to accept the notion as GREATLY irrefutable and immutable- with very few possible allowances for minor exceptions, thus buying into a collective paradigm but with a higher understanding of the functionality of the paradigm.

The open minded also have a great capacity- maybe more learned and desired, than intrinsic-to reason for themselves . They too have intellectual acuity to take the collective notion and rationalize a great amount of truth in it for the collective and for them as an part of the collective. But they also have the even greater intellectual FORTITUDE to "reason away" (thanks Michael McDonald!) the collective truth of a notion in order to find a personal, individual truth that may be contrary to that of the collective but is for them far more irrefutable and immutable than the truth of the collective, thus creating a wholly individual and unique paradigm.

So here is where these three come into relation with each other...

The weak minded is so susceptible to the rationale of the strong minded, the open minded, and (sadly) to the other weak minded, that they cannot possess any significant understanding or delineation of personal truths from collective truths. They will go with what sounds right or works for the moment. And because it isn't a personal notion of truth, it will inevitably fail them when it is applied at another time or to another situation. This makes them totally reliant upon the thoughts and truths of others, which is a precarious state of being.

Unlike the weak minded, the strong minded can be so married to their thought/truth, by virtue of their ability to reason their way to this thought/truth, that they can no longer accept for themselves any other thought/truth that may prove their original rationales faulty or obsolete. (It must be noted that this original thought/truth may be collective or individual.) They may allow the open or weak minded to have a different thought/truth, but when the open minded asserts that another thought/truth could also work for the strong minded if they allowed it, the strong minded often refuses it--mostly out of fear, but sometimes out of sheer stubbornness and resistance to adaptation. This leaves them unable to find, reason, and accept newer, more-functional paradigms that likely will aide them in attaining their destined or desired end, which is a precarious state of being.

The strong and open minded are really the same. But the fortitude to "reason away" of the open minded grants them a beautiful kind of freedom to accept their own individual truth, while allowing the weak and strong minded to accept their own collective truths as well. While the open minded is susceptible to the thoughts/truths of either the weak or strong minded, it must always be tried first against immutability and irrefutability of the open minded's own individual thought/truth. And if the collective thought/truth of the strong/weak minded is proven to be more-highly functional than individual thought/truth, then the open minded will accept it as a "collective thought with individual truth", and develop a new paradigm from this. This makes them highly adaptable and thus able to define success by their own standards and achieve that success, which is NOT a precarious state of being.

So...

Human relations then suffer because:

The weak minded are easily manipulated; Intentionally, by the strong minded, Unintentionally, by the open minded.

The weak minded is attracted to the open and strong minded, because the weak minded lack something of societal value and they want to possess-if only by proximity- what the strong and open minded have as a result of their ability to "reason away" and succeed on some level.

The weak minded will never be able to fully possess the heart and mind of the strong or open minded because it simple cannot comprehend its complexities and intricacies on the higher level necessary for the open or strong minded to feel understood and thus empathized with.

The strong minded are often easily attracted to the weak minded because they share the collective thought/truth.

The strong minded prey upon the weak minded as a means to strong minded's own ends, which may not even be to the strong minded's true benefit in the first place.

The strong minded can be head-strong to the point of weakness, thus weak minded RELATIVE to the open minded.

The strong minded is attracted to open minded because of the strong minded's fortitude to "reason away", but often cannot elevate their own abilities to reason to the level of fortitude necessary for them to abandon obsolete or faulty paradigms that impair otherwise healthy relations with the open minded.

The open minded pity the weak minded, but are attracted to their easy susceptibility to new thought/truths, something the strong minded is not easily capable of. But the open minded becomes disillusioned and subsequently frustrated by the weak minded's inability to individuate a paradigm as a result of the new thought/truths and their lack of fortitude to espouse any evolved paradigm for any significant amount of time, in any significant way.

The open minded are intrigued by the strong minded's similar ability to "reason away", and thus relations flourish...for a time. But the strong minded's probable obstinacy and marriage to paradigms that have become outmoded to or has low-functionality for the open-minded will ultimately cause a chasm or disconnect between the two.

The open minded may manipulate the strong minded through very subtle coercion, subterfuge, and seduction as a means to the open minded's own end because they know the strong minded is capable of resistance, if the strong minded wanted to or were to become aware of the machinations of the open minded- whereas the weak minded would easily submit and that would not be "fair" (or challenging). This allows the free will of strong minded to stay in tact, justifying any actions the open minded takes to change the mind of the strong minded. The submission of the strong minded to these machinations may or may not yield the desired/destined ends of the open minded....it all depends on many factors.

Solutions:

The weak minded must grow and learn and adopt the ability to rationalize the collective thought/truth (to be equal to the strong minded) and then the fortitude to "reason away" the collective thought/truth in favor of individual paradigm (to be equal to the open minded) that they then will espouse.

The strong minded must not force their own thought/truth (collective or individual) upon the weak minded, but must simply show them the tools of ration, logic, and reason.

The open minded must do the same as the strong minded, but also be patient with weak minded and allow them time to grow the fortitude necessary to "reason away" dysfunctional thought/truths and build/espouse functional paradigms instead. They must not only be patient, but also not lose interest or become bored with/by the weak minded.

The strong minded must learn the susceptibility of the open and weak minded, so that they can grow beyond their own thought/truths, while mainitaning the ability to rationalize the fundamentals and functionalities and the will to hold fast to that which is highly functional for them as an individual, regardless of collective notions.

The weak minded must appreciate the strong minded's strength and acumen, but be careful not to adopt the strong minded's thought/truths, if they are not functional or are disingenuous to the weak minded as an individual. (this requires growth and strength to even be able do this.)

The open minded must remain patient with the strong minded, showing them by example why the strong minded's thought/truths are faulty or low-functioning, allowing the strong minded to evaluate, create, and adopt new thought/truths and subsequent paradigms as a result of their own observations, rationale, and freshly-gleaned abilities to "reason away". But also the open minded must remain open to the possibility that the strong minded's collective or individual thought/truth may prove to be

a.) actually more effective for the open minded and thus a new individual paradigm must be created and adopted by the open minded, borne of a "collective thought and an individual truth"; OR

b.) more functional for the strong minded as an individual and allow them to exist in a very different way, and configure together a MUTUAL PLANE OF EXISTENCE wherein mutual paradigms exist that allow highly effective, actualized cohabitation of the open minded and strong minded as a unit.

The open minded must learn to accept the strong and weak minded for who and what they are; avoiding the compulsion to patronize, belittle, disregard NOR enable the weak minded and his inabilities. And also avoiding the desire to transform, weaken, manipulate NOR even despise the strong minded and his obstinacy.

The weak minded must appreciate the open minded's fortitude and agility in creating and adapting paradgims, while not falsely imitating the thought/thruths of the open minded in an attempt to transcend the weak minded's own inabilities.

The strong minded must, again, work to be open and to adapt to the thought/truths of the open minded, without viewing it as some kind of weakness or surrender of the strong minded's strengths and beliefs. The strong minded must be gentle in their steadfastness, maintaing their ground but susceptible to the forces of ration they themselves possess that lead them to their own thought/truths in the first place and could naturally lead them to new ones if they allow themselves to be.

ALL parties, all mind-types must operate first from LOVE for the other- simultaneously loving self- and then from genuine NEED and not mere want.

Thank you.

Charles Brown, 4/12/2011

~

Epilogue: I REALLY did not plan to go this deep with this! This was intended to be an expression of mere observation, but somehow it turned into a true analysis and, i guess, a solutions-oriented work. But I suppose thats never a bad thing, as how much better is the observation of flawed thought or behavior when accompanied by proposed resolution and reconciliation?!

New Year Eve with Charles!!!!

(Press Play, please....)

Imagine....

Harlem in the 20s...

Paris in the 30s...

Hollywood in the 40s...

Manhattan in the 50s...

Rome in the 60s...

Glamour and Elegance with the greatest of Comfort and Joy!...
~

Dinner at Germantown Cafe' from 7pm til 9pm

(1200 5th Ave N # 100, Nashville, TN 37208)

Libations and Repartee, Chez Charles, from 10pm til 2am

(4857 Clarksville Pike, Whites Creek, TN 37189)

Wear something smart and high tone.
Gentleman; blazers greatly appreciated.
Ladies; satin, jewels, and furs would be apropos.

Please do bring a bottle or two (or three!) of something lively.... that tickles and burns!!
(There will be very lite refreshments)

Come let's ring in the New Year in grand ole style, with friends - old and new!
~

RSVP for Dinner by Thurs. Dec 23 (reservations are needed)
RSVP for At Home by Mon. Dec. 27
Charles Brown
charlespatrickbrown@gmail.com
615-500-6515

A Man's Worth

I adapted this monologue by Joseph L. Mankiewicz from the screenplay for All About Eve. I was listening to it and realized the fundamental truths in it applied to men as well as women, and could be used specifically to highlight the desperate need to separate the potency and viability of a man- and the validity of his manhood- from his career and professional accomplishments. For that is but one aspect of a man's life, but it is so far from the whole source or definition of his manhood....

Funny business, a man's career. The things you drop on your way up the ladder—so you can move faster—you forget you'll need them when you go back to being a man. That's one career all males have in common whether we like it or not. Being a man. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter what other careers we've had or wanted. And in the last analysis nothing is any good unless you can look up before dinner—or turn in bed—and there she or he is. Without that you're not a man. You're someone with a art deco office—or a book full of clippings. But you're not a man. Slow curtain. The end.

~C.B.

A Black Gay Manifesto: Part I

First allow me to start off on a positive note...
I love my proud, affirmed, out, black gay male friends!!!! Ya’ll are just the most beautiful things in the world to me! I love US! I love our boldness, our courage to be ourselves, unashamed and unabashed and unapologetic!

I love all my fellas rockin brooches and amazing bags like me, giving fierce chic every time you step out the door!
I love the ones whippin their hair (real or imaginary) back and forth like Miss Willow. Or the ones with the full beat face and 5 inch stilettos. Even when I think ya’ll being extra as hell, I still love your PRIDE and CONFIDENCE and SPIRIT!
I love my brothas who give not a thought to the world of style; who enjoy hard liquor, loose denim, and sporting events, but who will walk hand in hand with their partner any damn place they fell like and DARE anyone to say something or look at them cross-eyed!!
And all those in between these extremes, I LOVE YOU!!!

We- along with our straight brothers and sisters, and our white brothers and sisters, and all the other brothers and sisters of other persuasions- are the salt of the earth, the light of the world, that cannot be hid, for we are self possessed and self-loved!

NOW....

I have HAD IT with the unaffirmed black gay men!!!
I’m trying to use the right terminology, because i am talking about a wide range of men, encompassing but beyond those that are the “typical” DL man (as defined by JL King and Oprah). But for the ease of writing, we will just refer to them all as DL and interject specific behaviors as necessary....

I am sick to death of the subterfuge, the self denial and deceit, the chaos they are causing the gay and straight communities! Not to mention the damage they are doing to themselves thats just plain....stupid and sad!

And before I go any further, let me just say this: I have a distaste and disdain for any group of people who’s MO is self-loathe and loathe of others that are not like themselves and that feel threatened by that which they do not understand or thoughts and behaviors which they do not themselves subscribe to. Whether this is based on race, nationality, sexuality, socio-economic level, etc. On an individual level, i feel very sorry for and compassionate toward them, but as a whole, I want to BEAT THEM UPSIDE THE COLLECTIVE HEAD!!!
Now, back to the DLs....

My frustration with them has been growing for some time now, and has escalated exponentially in the last several weeks. But I suppose the events of today was just the straw that broke the camels back.... and broke my silence regarding their insidious behavior!

Because I have a big mouth, and can be a touch preachy and judgemental when i see blatantly pathological thoughts and behaviors that are keeping both the individual and the community as a whole from reaching full potential, I try to avoid such negativity and such negative people. It just makes things easier for everyone. But I believe in “tell the truth, shame the devil”, so once i see wrong, i can’t help but in my inimitably-direct, but southernly-tactful way, give the offender what for.

So here it is....
I met a man today. Well actually i met him last night online. Everything was respectful, respectable and above board. He came across as (and i will even venture to say, indeed is) an intelligent, educated, handsome, amiable man of almost 40 years old (though he doesn’t look it) . We agreed this afternoon to meet at Starbucks after he got off work and before I went to pick up my niece and nephew from school. (Prefer to support small businesses, but i was fiending for their Caramel Apple Spice...which they jacked up the price of in the last 2 weeks!!! so mad!)

Now to my knowledge, from our convo and from his profile, he’s not Out, but came across to me as the kind that is merely private, and not out to the whole world, but to those that count, like family and close friends. I have come to understand that for a lot of black gay men, Out means “clockable” or noticeably gay --like me. Their outness means the world can tell without them saying anything, NOT that they are affirming their gayness to the world, which is what the term really means...I digress, but I think thats an essential fact to understand the problematic paradigm.

So my profile clearly states that I am Out, and he never asks the inevitable questions about my degree of “masculinity” or “femininity”, as we focused more in our brief but pleasant discussion on more substantive matters, as both our profiles were relationship-centric. Usually at this point, I would direct an interested party to my Facebook page in order for them to see a fuller, more robust representation of who I am as a man, so that they are not caught of guard and can graciously bow out before we begin if they feel the need, but I neglected to do so in this case. Whether you think this is wise or not to do, it has served me well and helped me to cut through the riff-raff and the small minded. So now you have the back story...

I’m dressed very casually. Grey turtleneck, black cardigan, jeans, one ring, just my wallet and phone...no bag, just not needed. He’s running late so i go back to my car to get my bag which has my sketch pad...I figured I’d occupy my time creatively. I go back and I am sitting at the table sketching a fabulous trench coat, when my friend Vic walks in. We start talking while we wait for our respective coffee-companions. I see him walk in behind Vic and go get in line for coffee. He sees me too. I wrap up with Vic and go join him and introduce myself. He’s wearing a flawless houndstooth top coat, probably cashmere...extremely dapper! I like! He goes to the table first while i get my Apple Spice. Once I get it, I join him at the table, move my bag out of my chair, and sit down. Now, either he has already seen by androgynously large Chanel tote (demure Chanel, not in your face) or he notices it when i remove it from my chair, but in either case, he notices it. He abruptly says “ I can’t do this...the bag...its just not me.” I’m stunned. I say ok, thats fine and he walks out.

I just sit there and return to sketching. Part of me is in shock and doesn’t know what to do as I process the turn-about that just occurred. The other part of me is embarrassed as hell because Vic is sitting right behind me and I’m thinking I just was stood up in front of a friend! Quelle Horreur!!! LOL! So moments later, i get a text from the guy apologizing for being rude and what not. I start to text him back, but before I can finish he calls. He pretty much apologizes again and tells me that he’s active in the community and the church (quelle suprise!) and really wants and needs a relationship with a guy who is unassuming (or unclockable) and thus can be seen with without anyone assuming that they are a couple, and that obviously that wouldn’t be possible with me. He says “I guess I’m a down-low brother”, but its just the way he lives and how he has to have it. He tries to “comfort” me by telling me to be myself and that I’m fine, but that he just can’t do it. I am, as usual, inerrantly calm, composed, poised, and gracious, taking an air of caprice and non-chalance about the whole matter, accepting his earnest apology. I hung up and finished my drink, finished my sketch, say goodbye to Vic and his friend, and went to get the kids.

Naturally, my mind is racing. I am fine. I am not hurt or even disappointed. Just saddened and mad at the state of our community. Before I left Starbucks, I texted my dear, special friend Iajahnni and told him how much I loved and appreciated him... for you see, the previous Saturday, we walked hand-in-hand, down the avenue, enjoying a lovely fall afternoon, proudly displaying our affection for each other as gay men. We could be friends, we could be lovers, we could be partners, but what we were didn’t matter to us, nor what the world around us may have thought; all that mattered was that we were together and the bond we shared in that moment and in & throughout our friendship. And as much as I appreciated it when it was happening, I was overwhelmed with appreciation and assuredness that Saturday was what is real and good and true and that events of the last few minutes were but a sad example of what is wrong with our world....

When I got to my nephews school and got him in the car, I laid down the tone of the evening....he was going to eat (what i gave him, without argument), put on his pajamas, and I was going to write with little interruption. He was fine with the arrangement and indeed governed himself accordingly, the little dear! I came in and jotted down the major points of what i wanted to share with you all, but first what I wanted to share with the inspiration for all this...the straw that broke the camel’s back. Here’s what I wrote and sent him:

“You seem like a very intelligent and reasonable man, so I was hoping we could have a bit of discourse. Just something to make you think, and not to condemn you for being you, just as you did not condemn me for being me. I meant it when I said I accepted your apology, so this is not written out of hurt or any such emotion, but in the spirit of reflection and honesty and trying to bring people together to understand and accept each other for their differences....

When you abruptly left our meeting today, i was surprised because i was not expecting that response from anyone, but especially someone of your obvious background and sophistication. (that coat was classic!!) Yes, it was rude, but I couldn’t even get to the rudeness for the shock. By the time you called minutes later to apologize for your rudeness, i was getting over shock and couldn’t even pause to consider the rudeness for what immediately felt like fear on your part, especially from your explanation of your behavior. It wasn’t so much rude that you left, and the way that you left wasn’t really rude at all as you just didn’t walk out, but gave a decent reason why you were not comfortable enough to stay, but it was more like a flight out of fear that somehow such an encounter at a coffee shop would compromise your entire existence,as you know it.

When we were on the phone and you explained yourself, you spoke of your position in the community and how you didn’t want to jeopardize that and how you wanted a relationship with a man that you could go out with and people not think either were gay, but just two friends spending time together. I can understand that totally, even though i don’t share that desire for anonymity or ambiguity. But my immediate thought was even though you recognized off the bat that I could not provide the kind of anonymous, ambiguous relationship you seek, why was your response to immediate flee?? There was another viable option, that would have been perfectly polite, correct, and left both of us not feeling as we did: you could have stayed and gotten to know me as a person....

Here’s how that would have played out: You recognized i was “clockable” and made your decision that romance was out of the question. When I came to the table and sat down with my caramel apple spice, you would have sat as well and proceed to make polite, sparkling conversation with a man who has already shown his wit and intellect to be desirable to you on some basic level. We would finish our drinks, say our goodbyes and go our separate ways. You would then call or text me and say that though it was a pleasure meeting me, you didn’t think a romantic relationship would be possible, but that friendship was possible, if i so desired. Provided I found you equally enjoyable, i would have accepted the invitation to friendship, and we would have carried on from there. But none of that occurred because of fear.

My carrying a bag- and the supposed subjective “femininity” that that conveys-incited a reaction in you because you felt that by mere association you would be perceived of as gay. That somehow MY gayness or effeminacy in someway would reflect negatively on YOU and cast some sort of dispersion on your character and call your masculinity into question. Why is that?? Its is a common misconception, but its one that must cease.
If you were to stay and have coffee with me, and remained warm and friendly, but adequately distant befitting a first meeting, the viewing public would have assumed that we were friends or colleagues. And even future meals or outings would have illicited the same opinion and judgment of friendship. If your masculinity- nay, your manhood- is in tact, there is nothing that i could ever do to compromise that. I have straight male friends and family members that i hang out with frequently who are very comfortable being seen enjoying my company and i theirs, and neither they nor the general public suspect any form of homosexuality or queerness in our association. But your fear of being discovered as something other than what you present to the world creates a discomfort in you that keeps you from befriending someone as wonderful as i am simply because they/I are/am proudly themselves/myself. And thats just sad and unfortunate because of the awesome experiences you could have that are denied before they even have the possibility of blossoming.

Again, I say all this not to indict you or make you feel bad for what happened, but I had to say something because I am committed to bringing people together and ending the animosity between all people that derives from fear and ignorance and misunderstanding. I will not be hurt nor my life altered if i never heard from you again, but if my words free you to be yourself or to love and enjoy the company of someone else as a friend or lover that is somehow different than you, then this whole experience has not been in vain and I have replaced some of the discord of our world with a single note of harmony.

Feel free to respond positively if you like. If you have nothing positive to say in response, then keep it yourself please, and I wish you well.

Thanks,
Charles”

I think this was a sublime way of taking a negative, and trying to find some kind of positivity in it....
But I’m not through yet....As I said, certain events of late have been annoying me and I have stayed still, but I can’t any longer. so since the floodgates are open, i must continue. For those of you who have made it this far, Bless You! I know I am long winded. But manifestos are never short epistles....This is why the modern activists do podcasts and Vlogs! LOL! But I’m old school....the black gay male Gloria Steinem!

~
Being OUT
I understand the reasons for not being out. Really I do. I was at one time, not out. But even when I wasn’t out, the world treated me as though I was. While i resented this fact at one time, I came to realize after the fact, that it made the transition rather seamless by comparison to some others’ experiences. I never had the opportunity to come out to the world, as society assumed that because of my intellect, my sophistication, my articulation, my organizational skills (all reasons Barack isn’t black enough), as well as my sartorial flawlessness and innate sense for all things chic, elegant, and glamorous, that I must be gay. Though they were right, i do know a few very hetero men with many (if not all) the same attributes, so these traits alone do not a gay make. But I digress. Because of these things, being out once i finally accepted who i was, was not a big deal in readjusting to how the world saw me. While it was a blessing for me, i understand that this transition in they eyes of the world is at the heart of why most DL men wont or can’t come out.

The DL are fearful or rejection, of unjust hardship socially and economically and I understand all of this rationale. I have dated men that didn’t consider themselves Out...or not as Out as i was/am. I think their definition of what it meant to be Out was a little off, because it was based on surface things, rather than on hopes and beliefs internal. But nonetheless, they considered themselves not Out as it were. Yet, they reveled in me being me, for all my fabulousness. They never shied away from me in public or private and they embraced my uniquity. They proudly sat close in restaurants, held my hand or embraced me with great affection in stores and wherever we went, when the mood struck either of us. This was enough for me. How they chose to negotiate their disclosure in their professional lives was of little consequence, but in their social lives and in their heart i knew i had a place of priority and pride.

While their numbers are FAR from legion (and far from what I would like them to be! lol!), there are men that do exist IN TRUTH in this middle space between being In and Out of the Closet. I would for them to come all the way Out for themselves and for the upbuilding of our communal kingdom, but so long as they are in some form of Truth that allows them to not be shameful or secretive, but merely relatively private, then so be it. They will continue to progress on their own trajectory at their own speed.

But the ones who live in fear and shame and who try to project that shame in some way, shape or form on US for fully embracing ourselves and our diversity, i have NO tolerance for! Their lack of courage and their inability and unwillingness to appropriate their own identity, makes them less than a man in my eyes! I garner more respect in all my “femininity” from men and women alike for my self-possession and confidence and wisdom than any of them do, and they need to know and see THIS truth! They are not fooling anyone! Whether anyone can tell exactly what their secret is, it is evident that there is a secret that is keeping them from being the shining light of love and life that every human should be, who lives in love and in truth.

The lies of the closeted black gay man, weakens the whole of us. It denigrates all that we stand for. It detracts from our assertions that we are happy, healthy and worthy of the same human, spiritual, civil, and economic rights as anyone else. It propagates and perpetuates the founded-but-nonetheless-detrimental stereotype of the maladjusted, dysfunctional black man. It has to stop! I’m tired of feeling held back or being looked at as less than by the world-at-large because of the weaker--sorry, WEAKEST-- members of our community! And although some may assert, that because they don’t accept themselves, we shouldn’t consider them part of the community, well thats a lie. They are a part of the community, whether we or they want to be. And just like the liabilities of the larger black community, though we may want to, we cannot just lop them off and go about our business, because the establishment is always going to affix them back to our rear end!

So what are we to do with these problematic blights? There isn’t much we can do, unfortunately. But what we can do is STOP engaging them. I mean it....STOP dealing with them electively. We can’t help it if we work with them, but in any other setting, shun them the way they shun us! Yes, this seems very exclusionary and negative, but what has being inclusive and embracing of them- in their mess- gotten us or them?? Not a damn thing!!! They think they can have their cake and eat it too....be part of our world when they want and then a part of the world that derides and berates us the rest of the time. Well i say NO! You can’t have it like that and I for one am not going to let you. (YES, I’m talking to them now!)
When you are ready to take steps toward real integration, I will be the first to greet you with open arms and take you by the hand and show you the way, baby. But until then, you gets no love!....

I’m not going to befriend you on FB, Myspace, A4A, BGC or any other social network
I’m not going to “kiki” or kick it with you at our or your clubs and functions
I’m not going to have any kind of sexual or romantic encounters with you
I’m not going to sympathetically listen to your plight, when you have the key to ending it but refuse to....
Just like you say “No Fems!”, I am going to say even louder and with more conviction (because you know you will have sex with a fem and grind on a fem on the dance floor in a hearbeat!) “NO DL!!!”

And I’m talking primarily to/about the DLs that exclusively mess with men and have no interest at all in women. I REALLY don’t have time, sympathy, or anything at all to say to those who are playing on both teams. They really need to not be getting any kind of attention or grace from the Out members of the community! Its not even just a moral issue of disrespecting the women they are with and lying to, but an issue of integrity and principle of respecting and honoring ourselves and our Proud, Courageous, OUT Brethren to demean all that we are proud of and fought for in order to engage in discourse and intercourse with someone(s) that clearly is an affront to what we stand for as individuals and a group!

I will make one exception for the youth, who are really still trying to figure it out, but for those of a certain age (maybe 23, definitely 25 and up) who are grown men, that have made a firm decision to not embrace our life and culture...fuck em! I mean it...FUCK THEM!!!

Yes its harsh, but its tough love. Like I said, when they show some sign that they are ready to receive what we have to offer them, we should give it to them freely, but until then, no. They can get what they need from each other. The DL can feed off each other till doomsday for all i care, but the parasites won’t feast on us any longer!

They say they don’t want us anyway, then FINE! Don’t be coming for our fine specimens like Dr. David (Malebranche) who not only have looks to die for, but who has the brains and heart to match....NO! You go find your own...you go find your spineless, cowardice, punk-ass counterpart and talk to them, wine and dine them, and f*ck them! And don’t you dare come over here for our young and our weak, who haven’t figured out yet who they are or have low self-esteem elsewhere in their lives, but whose only source of self-assuredness is as a gay man, part of the gay community, and think you will use their vulnerability and generosity of spirit and longing for acceptance from the world (your world) so that you can feel good about your sorry self, and feel some kind of power since you are too emotionally and spiritually impotent to have any real power, and get your rocks off at their expense (Eddie Long and his ilk!)!!!! I be DAMNED!!

So Brothers, its up to us to take a stand and just say “NO to DOWNLOW!”
~

And by they way....I MUST say, I am so tired of the DL coming out in droves at gaydom’s most salacious, ridiculous, debasing events! The only time you want to encounter us socially is when someone is slangin dick and getting drunk!!! NO..None of that! Though I don’t care for those kinds of events, I have earned the right to go if I choose, because I have taken the good with the bad, the pretty with the ugly when it comes to US and I can go wherever the hell I please as a reward! But ya’ll parasites need to back the hell off and have your own damn orgies or whatever the hell ya’ll need or want to do!
And for the ENTIRE community , DL and Out, the party at night needs to be the reward for those that came to the workshops and seminars in the morning and marched protest or parade in the afternoon.....but thats another rant!

This is all I can muster for one evening...and it has taken literally all evening (6pm-11pm CST) . But there is soooooo much more to say about the community and how we really must start embracing ourselves and each other... without shame, without fear.... with sincerity, with camaraderie, with warmth, and putting aside all the foolishness and the bull, and those in and out of the community that seek to do us no good....

Complexities: The Divide

So..
after some thought, i have realized I really don't mind the differences between people. Sometimes it is very frustrating and confusing why certain people do the things they do and live the lives they live. But it does make things interesting and lively and, so long as its not detrimental, I don't mind. I actually tend to embrace those people individually-though not as a group, nor their lifestyle on the whole.

what i do "feel some kinda way" about, is when inferior (and yes I know that term is incendiary and highly subjective, and maybe even condescending, but I will use it nonetheless...) mentalities and subsequent behaviors become pervasive and prevalent, to the exclusion and marginalization of superior mentalities and behaviors. To me there is just something very...very wrong about that. One shouldn't feel disenfranchised for having aspirations beyond that which is readily available and common....nor should one feel ostracized for adherence to a higher form of simplicity that speaks to innate and inherent truths that confound the convoluted socio-economic constructs born of avarice, consumption, deceit, and competition.
this is what I observe all around me/us. When did the greatest common denominator amongst us also become the lowest common denominator?.... there is something off with the equation.

the problem is that what I perceive as prolific mediocrity, isn't innocuous. Its not just "having fun" or "keeping it real". Its both a result and cause of a greater pathology. The pathology being apathy and unawareness...of self and humanity. It breeds a particularly insidious form of discontentment internally that is constantly masked and placated with more mediocrity...so well in fact, that the discontentment becomes in many to resemble fulfillment and happiness. (I find this most heinous and disgusting). In the words of Dr. John Henrik Clarke, what should be a strategy for enjoyment and coping with the difficuties of life have become a lifestyle for too many of us...thus we end up nowhere, believing we are actually somewhere that we are not.

and whats sadder to me presently about the awful state is that is drives us further apart from one another-creating an inequality. We can't seem to unite, on a human level regardless of race, class, gender, sexuality, nationality, because the insipid mediocrity of our time and space keeps us from embracing greater understanding and truth of ourselves and each other; building higher walls and deeper chasms of disdain and incomprehension. So we continue to in-fight , as well as battle across these divides, and none of us reach a higher state of peace and knowledge (first and foremost) or a greater sense of physical and material contentment/accomplishment (subsequently).

as such, life becomes this awful, recursive, cyclical drudge rather than the yet difficult, but more rewarding sojourn that I think its meant to be.

Theory and ecumenical context aside (my fancy way of saying "On a personal note"- lol!)....
i am saddened, frustrated, and tired. I keep wanting and trying to bring individuals and groups up and and bring them together, but it just seems more than formidable: insurmountable. I appreciate what I have given to and received from others, but i don't feel the reciprocity of appreciation enough. (not toward me but in general) Instead I feel as i stated above: disenfranchised, ostracized, marginalized for seeing the bigger picture, adopting a different approach to life, and appreciating the things that i genuinely like. Am I alone? No. But I am brutally aware of the minority my uniquity places me in. And as in the case of any minority, the absence (or low decibel) of voice is despairing and aggravating.

i like being an individual...at the same time I am well aware that I am a lot more like everyone else than I am different. I revel in my individuality and my akinship, equally and simultaneously. I wish more people could do this and not feel compelled to embrace one or the other...or worse, THINK they are operating individually when they really are participating in sheepish, group-think/behavior. The fallacy of either only leads to a distorted perspective of self and group.

i don't feel or think my way of living life is intrinsically better or preferable to any other's, but I do feel my view of life allows us all to live in a way that-whether individualistic or populous- is enjoyably aware of what really matters and whats just fun and that allows us to understand and embrace everyone for (not despite) their differences, which creates a fundamental, essential Equality, that enables us to reach greater potential, live optimal lives, and feel at home with anyone, anywhere.

Updates...

I know i am kinda sporadic with new posts and fully getting the blog to where I envision it being, but as this is a creative effort, its very much reliant upon inspiration. I am going to try to do better about the original content. :-)

Living Song, Vol. 2

I was texting with a new friend the other day and he asked if I liked poetry

My response was "Yes I do...and poetry set to music, aka jazz.....I love words"

I really thought how succinctly I stated a very deep personal belief and love for expressive communication and profound thought and emotion through song.

So I decided to post the lyrics to some of my favorite songs (jazz and other genres) to illustrate exactly what I mean...

For my second selection in the "Living Song" series, I have chosen one of my favorite jazz records, one that gets precious little play and has not been widely covered by artists: Midnight Sun. Composed by Sonny Burke and Lionel Hampton and lyrics by Johnny Mercer, Midnight Sun is one of the most lyrically entrancing and sensory decadent songs I have ever listened to:

Your lips were like a red and ruby chalice, warmer than the summer night
The clouds were like an alabaster palace rising to a snowy height.
Each star it's own aurora borealis, suddenly you held me tight,
I could see the Midnight Sun.

I can't explain the silver rain that found me--or was that a moonlight veil?
The music of the universe around me, or was that a nightingale?
And then your arms miraculously found me,suddenly the sky turned pale,
I could see the Midnight Sun.

Was there such a night, it's a thrill I still don't quite believe,
But after you were gone, there was still some stardust on my sleeve.

The flame of it may dwindle to an ember, and the stars forget to shine,
And we may see the meadow in December, icy white and crystalline.
But oh my darling always I'll remember when your lips were close to mine,
And we saw the Midnight Sun.

Living Song, Vol. 1

I was texting with a new friend the other day and he asked if I liked poetry

My response was "Yes I do...and poetry set to music, aka jazz.....I love words"

I really thought how succinctly I stated a very deep personal belief and love for expressive communication and profound thought and emotion through song.

So I decided to post the lyrics to some of my favorite songs (jazz and other genres) to illustrate exactly what I mean...

For my first selection, the lyrics to the song Lush Life, written and composed by GENIUS Billy Strayhorn :

I used to visit all the very gay places

Those come what may places

Where one relaxes on the axis of the wheel of life

To get the feel of life from jazz and cocktails

The girls I knew had sad and sullen grey faces

With distingue traces

That used to be there you could see where they'd been washed away

By too many through the day twelve o'clock tales

Then you came along with your siren song

To tempt me to madness

I thought for a while that your poignant smile

Was tinged with the sadness of a great love for me

Ah yes I was wrong, again I was wrong

Life is lonely again

And only last year everything seemed so sure

Now life is awful again

A trough full of hearts could only be a bore

A week in Paris could ease the bite of it

All I care is to smile in spite of it

I'll forget you, I will

While yet you are still burning inside my brain

Romance is mush, stifling those who strive

So I'll live a lush life in some small dive

And there I'll be

While I rot

With the rest of those whose lives are lonely too

Real Chic...Real Soul....

One of my favorite songs by one of my favorite singers, wearing one of my favorite silhouettes...Deja Vu, Dionne, Diaphonous!

Jet Set Hip-Hop: All Around the World by Jay-Z

I like a particular style of hip-hop song that I call Jet Set Hip-Hop. Its kinda hard to explain because I'm not musically educated enough to discuss chord structure and such things with any kind of eloquence or deeper understanding, but I know it when I hear it.

It usually has a soulful sound thats simultaneously symphonic and somehow evokes a whirlwind, world-weary, glamorous pace. The lyrics often match this vibe, further evoking a since of endless gallivanting...like some kind of montage of 60s Fellini style dolce vita. Sometimes its very louche... reminiscent of yachting in the Aegean or sunbathing on Skorpios (Onassis' private island). Other times, its very heady and rapacious...like running from one's Avenue Foch penthouse in Paris to myriad couture maisons for fittings all day then jetting down to Monaco to gamble, drink, and dance til the wee hours.

This song is a classic example of such songs. Both lyrically and instrumentally, it possesses everything outlined above. This was one of my favorite tracks of the Blueprint 2 Album and I played it over and over in the car...driving around Atlanta in my college days...dreaming about the future, when as a successful fashion designer, such harmless excess would be my domain. Or driving home to Nashville, up and down Mt. Eagle as though it were the Grand Corniche and I Grace Kelly in the movie "To Catch a Thief". Good times!

I also was surprised to find that the inspiration/sample for this song was an old Edwin Hawkins gospel song called Children Get Together. This was the kind of music I was brought up on, so this only makes me like the Jay-Z reincarnation that much more.

A funny note though...As I listen more to this song and others I consider in this same milieu, I realize that many of them have some quality that reminds me of the score and incidental music for the show Dynasty. Which may be what the attraction is...



Instrumental version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pN2oXa3WEc